Saturday, April 9, 2011

Skin Deep

Title: Skin Deep
Rating: PG-13
Author: Sxymami0909
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean-centric
Word Count: 870
Song: “My smile is just skin deep” written for Fandom_Fridays week #21

The car was quiet as he sped down the dark empty road, arm thrown over the wheel his body more tense than it had been in weeks. His phone rang wearily next to him, but he ignored it. Dean knew who it was and talking to him would only make this harder.

He swallowed hard as the sky started to brighten before him. Dean Winchester had spent his whole life protecting the people around him, mainly Sam. He’d been sacrificing things for his little brother since he was five years old.

He’d never once complained. He was raised as a warrior, a fighter and he stuck by that life because he thought it was the only thing that would keep his family together and that’s all he ever wanted. In the end though, all it had done was rip them apart.

He’d spent his life living it up, laughing, hustling, and bedding women across the country. But it was all a farce. Sure he liked helping people that was never the problem. Hunting was all he knew and he was okay with that, but it didn’t mean he hadn’t wanted more for his life.

When his brother first came back on the road with him after Jessica, he knew Sam thought he was angry with him because he was jealous of the fact that Sam got out. That hadn’t been the case. Dean was hurt.

He basically raised Sam and while he understood his need to get away from their father it hurt that he wanted to get away from him too. It was supposed to be the two of them against the world and after everything Dean had given up, Sam had still walked away without even a glance back.

To top that off a few years later his father took off too. Dean wasn’t sure which had burnt worse. He followed every order that man ever gave him, and still he disappeared. Every person Dean had ever loved had either left or been taken away from him.

He played it off like it didn’t bother him, like he was above the emotional ties. Laughing and shrugging it off, but Dean was only laughing on the outside. His smile was just skin deep. If the people around him could see inside his soul, they’d see how broken he truly was.

The tears he hid there, the pain he only let show in the solitude of the darkness that surrounded him. He was tired of fighting, tired of being a pillar of strength for everyone around him, tired of pretending this life wasn’t slowly killing him.

None of them thought he’d make this decision. Bobby and Castiel had said on several occasions that Sam was their weakest link. They were wrong. They thought they knew how this story went, but they didn’t.

He increased the pressure of his foot on the gas. This war had already claimed too many lives. His grandparents…his mother and father…him and Sam more than once, Ash, Ellen….Jo. He was tired of sitting on the sidelines and never really living. A part of him felt like he’d wasted his life.

He’d been on this earth for thirty-one years and he had nothing to show for it except his car. That’s why when he left Sam and Castiel at that motel he went to Lisa. A long time ago there had been a connection there, with her and her son.

After losing Jo, Dean realized he’d let his heart go cold. He never even grasped how much he cared about her until she was dying in his arms. So, for once Dean was going to put himself first. If the apocalypse was here he wasn’t going to let another person he cared be collateral damage.

Ben was an awesome kid and at one point Dean would have been proud to be his dad. But now he was glad he wasn’t, because if he was, that kid would never have a chance at a normal life. He couldn’t save Jo…and that reality still made him ache each day.

But he did have the power to save Ben and Lisa. They represented something he’d never had, but always wanted…a family and he wouldn’t let the Angels and their war destroy that. He wasn’t sure he was ready for this, but the decision had been made.

It was time to end this war, to finally put his family at peace. As the sun peered over the horizon, bright rays making the impala gleam. Dean took a calming breath, but it didn’t help the nausea in the pit of his stomach.

He pushed all thoughts from his mind, flipped on the radio and smiled when he heard ACDC. Anyone who caught him driving down the road at that moment would think he didn’t have a care in the world. That he was just a regular guy rocking out to some classic tunes.

Looks were deceiving and though he had always grinned and bared the weight of the world on his shoulders at the end of the day the truth was, Dean Winchesters smile was just skin deep.

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